This week was about 23 seconds long, I counted. 8/28/2017

Holy cow the past 7 days have flown by. It was crazy. And SO much happened. It was both the fastest and the funnest week yet. And I imagine it will just keep getting better. Missions aren't easy, but they're fun, if you're doin it right. Here's a day by day summary of my week, hopefully I include all the insane things that happened, particularly the time we nearly died.

     Tuesday: We went and visited Kukniwah. He's a Native man we met at the Methodist Dinner, where we wash dishes. He's very nice and loves the missionaries, but hasn't talked to them in a long time. I saw him sitting and sat down by him and we talked for a long time. He's hilarious, and invited us over to visit. We had a good chat/lesson at his house, and he's invited us back for dinner this week. From what I hear he's quite the cook, so that'll be good, especially because nobody in Massena feeds the missionaries. After Kukniwah we delivered Meals on Wheels. Our route is the biggest apartment building in Massena, reserved for Senior Citizens and Disabled people, it's a lot of fun. The rest of the day we just tracted in between our usual visits. Floyd prayed we wouldn't go to war with North Korea, and that Houston would not be lost. Solid day.

     Wednesday: Wednesday morning I packed a suitcase and we went to District Meeting. We had a great meeting, and after it was over I went with Elder Stacey to Malone on exchanges. First of all, the apartment in Malone is the coolest thing. It's a loft apartment above a big garage. The interior looks like a log cabin, they have a bench press setup, a way nice kitchen, a washer and dryer, two AC's, etc. Easily the nicest apartment in the mission. Anyways, we got there and we dumped my stuff, and then headed out to Chuck and Joyce's. Chuck is a 72 year old dude, and is retiring as a minister because he hates it, and his church isn't a fan of him preaching what the missionaries teach him. So he's fed up and is retiring so he can be baptized. He's hilarious. We were stacking wood for him in his front yard, and we had an awesome talk about everything Mormon, Utah, BYU, and life related. At one point he said "do you bozos want something to drink", we both said water would be nice, and he said "alright you tools wait here, I gotta hobble in and get it. See ya in a half hour." He's a funny sarcastic guy, who loves everything the Mormons believe in. His two favorite things we practice are the Word of Wisdom and the Law of Chastity. Usually those are huge stumbling blocks, old Chuck wants to convert the world to those principles. After stacking wood for a bit, we went inside and his wife Joyce had made us hamburgers, brownies, and ice cream. As we ate we talked about families (apparently they've already talked a lot about getting sealed in the temple), Chuck said "now wait. Joyce hardly even likes me most days, what's she gonna say about eternity?"  They also asked me a lot about my fam, and Joyce bakes a lot, so Mom, I showed her your website and she said she's never seen cakes that beautiful. You've got fans in Malone, NY. After we left Chuck and Joyce's, we went tracting. Unsuccessfully. We ran into two guys on the street and started talking, I think they were high as kites, because at the end of our conversation, they didn't know if Australia was real or not... They asked us where we were going after this life, and we said we knew, and we could teach them. But they said "if you can't see it, how can you know?" We told them none of us had ever seen Australia, but we knew it was real. And then, instead of pursuing the "where are we going after this life" question, they started to question whether or not Australia was actually real, bc none of us had ever seen it... Soooo maybe they'll find some missionaries at a better time, when they're sober.  We also knocked on some Jehovah's Witnesses' door. That was awesome. They kinda stared at us for a bit and said "well this is a unique situation. We're JW's." Sooo we laughed and walked away. On the way back to the apartment, we saw a guy walking, so we crossed the street to talk to him. We asked if he'd met missionaries before, he said he had, but he's gone downhill since then. He was in the military, and when he got back he got involved in a bad scenario and was literally released from jail that day. He said "I just wish there was a way for me to get forgiveness for everything I've done" and he started tearing up. We told him there is a way, gave him a BoM and our number. He said he was getting on a bus to Tennessee in the morning, to see if any of his friends were still around, so we gave him a Mormon.org card and told him to find the missionaries there. If anyone knows anyone serving in Tennessee, tell them to find Noah, he's ready. 

     Thursday: Elder Stacey and I did service at another Meals on Wheels location, talked to a bunch of hilarious old ladies as we packed up the meals. We delivered meals to 37 houses. One of which, I took the meal in, and a nurse told me I had to meet Ms. Connie, because she loves to meet the people who deliver the meals. I walked in and she just looked at me and said "Wow. Now why don't they send more men like you out, I'm sick of chubby ladies. I need a young man like you in my life." Sooo that was nice... She was a little old for me, sad. After Meals on Wheels we went halfway to Massena and exchanged back. Elder Davis and I, and Elder Palkki, the senior missionary in the area, all washed dishes at the Methodist dinner. It's just like being in prison, we get to wear huge aprons, and the room where we wash dishes is about 120 degrees and about 120% humidity. It's a party. After dishes we went and read with Floyd, still the funniest prayer giver I know. But he's so sincere, it's awesome. We also got a call from DD, who was still in Nova Scotia, and he told us he'd left us money, and that we were supposed to go to Morley's Steakhouse for dinner. So we enjoyed a nice NY steak and some garlic mashed potatoes for dinner, classic missionary meal.

     Friday: On Friday we did the usual service at Salvation Army. We got to test the toys people donated, we found a sick plastic sword that played music and lit up, they said we could have it for 39 cents, but we didn't have any change. Disappointing. After lunch, we tracted and visited some Less Actives, which there are a lot of. Then we traveled to Potsdam, BECAUSE WE HAD A BAPTISM. It didn't really count as "our baptism", but we were the ones that extended the invitation, got her to commit, and then the sisters took care of all the logistics. So Elder Davis baptized her, and I confirmed her on Sunday. It was awesome to be a part of such a cool experience, and she (Carlena) got a lot of support from her family, which was surprising because none of them are members. It was so cool.

     Saturday: Saturday was crazy. We had Branch Coordination at 9:00 am, because we had to leave at 10 am to travel to Syracuse. Gifford Nielsen, our area 70, was speaking to us. 2/3 of the mission was there, and our Zone was the only exception to the 2 hour travel rule. So we got lucky, and drove 4 hours into Syracuse for this conference. It was awesome. He went around the room and asked a bunch of different missionaries why they thought they were here. They all had different answers, but were pretty much the same. "to teach repentance, and baptize converts." He told us those were all correct, however, they're not the answer he was looking for. He told us that we were on a mission to learn how to be better husbands and wives, mothers and fathers, and grandmas and grandpas. That kinda shocked everyone in the room. He said we're in companionships so that we could practice being with an eternal companion. Elder Davis and I are trying to decide who's supposed to be the husband and who's supposed to be the wife. We are still undecided. He also shared some awesome insight on The Restoration. More about companionships. He said that Joseph Smith was the first investigator, and Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ were the first, and ultimate companionship. Since that day, companionships have been, and always will be, the best way to do or teach anything. He also talked about his football career, because he was the real deal. It was an awesome meeting. Afterwards, we went and the Palkki's got us all diinner. The first Mexican food I've had since July. It was a special moment. I miss tacos. After dinner, Elders Davis, Palkki, and I drove home. This is when it gets intense. We're in Elder Palkki's Subaru, it's about 7:00, everybody in the car is quiet, and we're just cruisin down the freeway at like 75. All of the sudden, Elder Palkki, in the calmest tone ever says... "oh" and hits the brakes, hard. I turn around because I hear tires screeching. And there's a white Toyota Camry, going about 90, SIDEWAYS, right past us. It slams the left wall, about 10 feet in front of us, the spins across the the right side, and slams the guardrail (the side of a bridge) and slides back across us again, and comes to a stop. It was like it was all happening in slow motion, but she hit the wall about 10 feet in front of us, doing like 90 mph. The car was destroyed, I could see the tires popping, airbags deploying, and watched it disintegrate on the wall. If we hadn't slowed down, she would've hit our passenger side and who knows what would've happened. But she didn't, however she did pinball between the two walls going way too fast. When we stopped, it was like time was frozen. We were about 20 feet behind her car. And the first car to stop. I was expecting to use my CPR certification and first aid merit badge, Elder Palkki and Davis were expecting to give a blessing. It was a crazy wreck. However, time started moving again when the destroyed car's door opened. And a dog got out and took off. Poor thing just went for the ride of its life. And I'll be darned, the driver got out and she took off right after it. Ran straight across the highway trying to catch the dumb dog. She didn't even look back at the car. When she finally caught it, she came back to the car, where the three of us missionaries were checking out the damage. She launched into some crazy barrage of colorful words, I have no idea what she even said. Some black guy in a dark grey Dodge Challenger Hellcat pulled over, and told us she was trying to race him and she lost control when she tried to switch lanes right behind us, and he watched it all happen. Apparently he was following her going 110 when he slowed down. It was INSANE. So at this point, the three missionaries are sitting on the left side of the road, by the totaled car, and the driver is on the other side, yelling at the Hellcat driver and his passenger. At one point the lady came over, grabbed a 6 pack of beer off the passenger seat, and threw it into the grass... I was starting to worry we were gonna be involved in a crime of some sort. Eventually the Highway Patrol showed up, and asked us what happened, I told him, and mentioned the 6 pack, and he said he could smell it and was gonna do a field sobriety test. So at this point we're all sure this is the craziest thing we're gonna experience, and we're gonna be summoned to court because we witnessed a drunk driving/street race crash. But apparently, she wasn't drunk, the officer just said she was going way too fast and lost control. He got my contact info, no idea why, because I wasn't driving, and said we were good to go. ANYWAYS. IT WAS INSANE. We were about 10 feet away from getting hit broadside by a car going 90. I truly believe we were being watched over. And I am so grateful that the Sister who gave the closing prayer, threw in the classic "bless that we will return home safely."

     Sunday: On Sunday, Elder Davis and I passed the Sacrament, gave the opening and closing prayers, and I confirmed Carlena. It felt like we had taken over the meeting. But confirming Carlena was such a cool experience. I've only given 3 blessings before, and only done confirmations in the temple. So I was a little nervous to say the least. But once I started, I somehow knew what to say, and as far as I can tell, it was a good blessing, and I said everything I needed to say. It was so cool, and I could seriously tell that I was saying words that there was no way I just pieced together. It was an awesome experience. In Gospel Principles, we learned about the gift of the Holy Ghost, which was perfect. And Sylvia, our golden investigator, actually gave a lot of really good input, which was way cool, considering it was only her second time at church, and she hasn't even had all the lessons yet. We got back from church, changed from our suits to some casual clothes... aka slacks and a short-sleeve shirt and tie. And went and met with some members and PMF's. We had about an hour of open time after dinner, so we went to the park to see if the big group of kids was there. They were, and got all excited when they saw us. "The Mormons are here!" When we show up, they all try to stop swearing, and we make them stop smoking. 9 year olds to 18 year olds.. It's crazy. We watched them play basketball and answered questions they had about Mormons. They're still a little intimidated when two guys, 6'2" and 6'4" come to the park, and some of them think we're undercover officers. It's funny. We also watched some 14 year old girl chase down another 14 year girl who was riding a bike, tackle her into the grass, and start punching her. It was insane. We didn't get involved, because a couple adults, and real officers took care of it.

     Wow. It was quite a week. Lots of cool experiences. Some crazy. Many spiritual. It was a lot of fun, and I learned a lot. I'm sure this email is a jumbled mess, and seems random. But holy cow it was an exciting week, and it flew by. What a life.